Hanabi
by ChemicallyEnhanced
Summary: A short scene from after Ritsu's graduation. Deviates from canon.


Music: Len Kagamine - Fireflower

Disclaimer: how many times do I need to say no?

* * *

It was just a few months after graduation, sometime at the end of July.

From the stage, Ritsu had looked upon his fellow peers with only indifference and the slightest bit of regret at not making much effort in personally getting to know some of them in the entire three years that he'd been in their classes. What was the point, if he was numb and still grieving over what had happened? _Oh well,_ he'd let out on a sigh as he stood up when the principal called his name, smiled a plastic smile, and bowed to the faces that he hoped he never saw again.

What did it all matter, if Saga-senpai wasn't there?

* * *

His summer was bland. Uneventful. He spent his time fulfilling the requirements for his school in England, where he planned to study abroad since Japan carried too many painful memories for him, and reading books that still hadn't completely lost his interest. An-chan came around sometimes, but he hardly noticed. The world seemed to slow down and lose its color; at some moments, he felt like he was drowning in syrup, unmoving.

"Ritsu!" His mom called from the base of the stairs to where he was holed up in his room—had been since summer started after he graduated—pretending to read but really staring out the window until his eyes burned and he couldn't feel anything anymore. "That boy…" He heard her mutter. "Ritsu!"

He sighed like it was a great deal of effort just to walk a few meters to the stairs, but did it anyways. Blank. Stone. His face was perfectly smooth, no hints of the chaos churning within his heart and mind. It was a skill he'd learned from his senpai. "Yes, mom?"

She placed her hands on her hips, looking for all the world like one of those disapproving mothers in the tv shows that Ritsu had seen once or twice, but her expression was one of concern. "Ritsu, sweetie, it's been nearly 5 months since you graduated. When are you ready to go to England? Your father is worried about you."

Ritsu gripped the banister. He couldn't explain it himself, either. Why he was still here when he could have left months ago, even right after he graduated back in March. Maybe there was something about this country, about this place, that made him stay. Maybe he was hoping that a miracle would happen and he would be able to see his senpai again. Even though the older had taken his heart and grinded it through a processor, he still loved him. He still wanted to be with him and see his face and be kissed by him. Maybe if Ritsu saw him again, they would be able to talk about _that day_ and be together again.

Blowing air through his nose, he let go of the banister. "I'm just not ready yet, mom. Give me two more weeks. Then I'll go. I'll be ok."

It didn't look like she believed him, but she did relent and shake her head. "Alright then. Two weeks."

He was about to turn back into his room in order to stare out the window some more when she made an "Ah" noise. "How about you go to the summer festival this week, Ritsu? I haven't seen you out at all this summer, and it'll be a good time to catch up with some friends before you leave for England."

Friends. Vaguely, Ritsu recalled some familiar faces, ones that he'd talked to a few times when he wasn't in the library or with… "Sure, mom. I'll go."

* * *

In the end, he didn't go with anyone, but he pretended that he was going to meet up with them when he waved goodbye to his mom. Wearing a simple dark gray yukata with a silvery band and dots scattered across the left shoulder, he idly strolled through all the stands, glanced at the booths displaying food and the other students playing games. The sun had already left the sky for another night, so there weren't as many wandering around as they were all searching for a good spot to watch the fireworks on the river.

Ritsu hadn't seen fireworks in a while, but it didn't interest him so much. Ignoring the sharp ache in his chest and the dewy tears in his eyes when he saw a couple walk past him, he was about to head home— _this was a stupid idea, why did I decide to come here, I should just go home, wallow in my own misery_ —when he heard a loud boom somewhere above him.

 _Ah…the fireworks._ The light that met his eyes surprised him a little before he became entranced in all the different colors appearing and disappearing in streaks of light. Purple, green, blue, red, silver, gold—all of them exploded in flower-like shapes, causing something else to explode within himself as well.

And at that moment, Ritsu felt his entire being crumble, all the sorrow, all the heartbreak crashing down on him in a single swoop. He was still standing, but all feeling was pushed aside to make room for the utter _agony_ roaring in his chest, spreading throughout his body. _How could senpai be so cruel like that? How could he just step on my heart and shatter it to pieces? Didn't I mean anything to him? Why would he do this? Why?_

 _Why_ , was the only thought constantly racing through his mind as he sobbed into his arms, making his yukata wet. He cried so hard he wanted to vomit.

It was supposed to be a time of joy, of new beginnings and good blessings, but as the fireworks continued to echo around him, Ritsu could only think of his Saga-senpai, of how he wanted to see him again.

* * *

The next day, he asked for a plane to England.

* * *

A/N: Huh. This is really sad.

-ChemicallyEnhanced


End file.
